This morning, my boyfriend of 1 1/2 years broke up with me. It's a long story, and not really worth hashing out on my de-conversion blog.
I'm devastated. No question. My head is swarming with the "what ifs" and "buts" and "this isn't really happening, is it?" questions. But you know what's NOT going on in my head right now? "God, where were you in all this? God, why is this incredible pain part of your plan for me? God, why are you so determined to see me fail in all my relationships?"*
And that, in itself, makes this so much easier to cope with.
*Folks, I realize these aren't theologically 'correct' questions to ask God so I would ask you to kindly refrain from trying to set me straight on that count. My point is that it feels incredibly freeing not to worry about what kind of eternal lesson I am supposed to learn from this, or to wonder what kind of all-loving God would continually put me through this kind of shit.